Updates, Availability and Offers.

LATEST UPDATES

UPDATED EDIT 13/06/2025 at 2pm

There is no remaining opportunity over this weekend. There are plenty of times we can book you in for dates next week.

There's a newsletter just gone out to email subscribers, and I've copied the text below.

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Newsletter - June 2025

Hello to you all. What’s happened to summer? What about global warming, lol? As I finish off this newsletter the weatherman tells me it’s risen to a lofty fourteen degrees today. Whoopee! Actually, though, it’s not bad massage weather, because the room can get uncomfortably hot when it’s ten degrees hotter. At the moment, we have both a heater AND a fan in the room, because we never know from hour to hour what it’s going to feel like. We can manage the temp quite well on days like these. Talking about temperature, how do YOU like it in the massage room? Some clients feel the cold when others think it’s okay or too hot. Most clients don’t pass any comment about the room temperature, but when they do it’s surprising how different they vary. One client’s “too hot” is another client’s “too cold”, so please feel free to tell us in advance whether you’re the sort who feels the cold and prefers the room on the hotter side, or you’re the sort who often feels too hot when everyone else is perfectly comfortable, and we can try and allow for those individualities.

BREATH OF FRESH AIR.

One of my biggest moans is the number of phoney enquiries made by childish, armchair male fantasists who get off on trying to waste our time by leading us up a road to nowhere with their pretend enquiries. This almost always revolves around a guy who pretends to be a female enquirer, or a guy who says he’s looking for couples massage for him and his wife. When we ask if we can speak on the phone so we can confirm the enquiry by actually hearing a female voice, funny enough, they often seem to be out and will “phone later”. The amount of male pratts out there is simply phenomenal. They walk among us!

So a big thank you to those who have phoned recently and did turn out to be genuine. We have always found that genuine female/couple clients have no problem phoning to confirm.

There are those who “do”, and those who only ever fantasize about “doing”. There are those who are genuine and turn up for a great experience, and pathetic wannabees who waste our time with phoney messages.

PUBLIC NUDITY – going naturist this summer.

Now that the warm summer weather is well underway, there may be some of you who are wondering where they stand, legally, when it comes to (completely) stripping off.

I’ve put a link below to the relevant page on the College of Policing website. The page describes in layman’s terms what is allowed, and what could constitute an offence, and gives a simple flow-chart for police officers and call handlers to follow when an indignant member of the public brings nudity to their attention.

In practice, I wonder how many police officers even know the advice on the page exists? We have heard of incidents where someone called the police because their neighbour was naked in their own back garden, and the police have completely over-reached and adopted a hostile attitude towards the so-called offender, oblivious to the fact that it’s perfectly legal and should have been dismissed by the call handler.

If you don’t want to read the website, I’ll summarize it for you. But you may wish to keep this link handy or even print off the three sheets of PDF in case you ever get challenged by a police officer who doesn’t know the law on this topic.

Here's the link to the webpage

C849IO118-public-nudity-aid-revised.pdf

Public nudity is NOT an offence, unless it accompanied by behaviour that is deliberately intended to cause alarm or distress. It has to be proved that the motivation and intent of the nude person was to cause harm or distress. If an observer feels alarm or distress, but there was no intent to cause distress, then that is not sufficient to be classed as an offence. Subjective responses are not enough. They have to prove there is intent to cause alarm by overly sexual behaviour. For example, if you were sunbathing naked in your garden, the neighbour on one side might feel “disgusted”, whilst the neighbour on the other side might not mind a bit. Either way, if you are just minding your business sunbathing in the nak there is no offence, irrespective of the subjective feelings of the “disgusted” neighbour.

To add some further context to this, there are multiple public events involving nudity… and nobody gets arrested or prosecuted. Some of them are highly organised regular annual events, arranged in conjunction with local councils and local police. One such event is the naked bike ride that take place in many towns and cities in support of greener transport policies. Often referred to collectively as World Naked Bike Ride Day; and locally by town name, such as the Brighton Naked Bike Ride. Many people take part, gathering en-masse in a local park and then following a prescribed route around the town or city. Most riding in the buff, or with minimal underwear on (some ladies wear thongs). If it were illegal it wouldn’t be allowed to go ahead. Do a Google image search; you’ll see what I mean.

There are lots of other examples I could give too, such as organised skinny dips and naked rambles in the countryside (organised by British Naturism). Not sure why you’d want to ramble naked when there are so many nettles and biting insects around! But hey, it’s legal. Nobody gets arrested unless there is aggravated sexual intent directed at the public. Google image search “Spencer Tunick Sea of Hull” too. We’re in that!

Naturist Beaches. The UK has lots of naturist beaches, most of which are unknown to most of the public. However, you’d be mistaken if you thought you could only be naked on a beach that was especially designated. Naturist beaches only exist because most naturists can’t be bothered with the hassle they may get if they strip off in front of families on crowded beaches. So they (wisely) opt to stay a little out the way of mainstream beach-goers.

MOOD LIFTERS

For the last six months, many of you will be aware that we have been under considerable pressure regarding the complex and increasing care needs of our parents. This has meant we have had to make extra effort to carve out meaningful moments of relaxation and joy in our lives. You can’t pour from an empty cup. You wouldn’t expect your phone to run on an empty battery, so why expect your soul to run on empty?

I’m not generally a “count your blessings” kind of person. Counting your blessings doesn’t pay bills or solve problems. Nevertheless, it can be mood lifter that enables you to cope a little better than you would have done otherwise.

Here's a few of my mood lifters. They are a small and incremental, but when added together they stack up and nourish the soul.

• Sunshine… glorious sunshine! That takes it up a notch for starters.

• An hour or so of birdwatching at RSPB Burton Mere on the Wirral. Our most recent visit rewarded us with umpteen different species, including brilliant views of Stonechat, Sedge Warbler, Cetti’s Warbler, Marsh Harrier and Avocet.

• A new meal in a different pub (with Inch’s cider of course).

• A walk in the countryside.

• Sitting in a hottub.

• Crafting (Val’s favourite mindfulness)

• Doing something different! Meeting new people. In your teens and twenties there were lots of things you did for the first time. Believe it or not there was even a first time you went to McDonald’s. Why do we get stuck in ruts and routines by the time we’re fifty? When was the last time you tried something different, or made a conscious attempt to meet new people?

• Appreciative clients! They lift our mood. Clients who turn up clean, odour free, have read and taken on board all the info we sent them, and express gratitude afterwards. Thank you; you lift our mood.

Music. Now there’s a mood lifter! As long as it’s not Morrisey! I listen to lots of instrument stuff as well as songs. The Afro Celts and Peatbog Faeries are great. Ever heard of Acoustic Alchemy? There’s a whole concert from St Lucia on Youtube (link below), but the first track is simply amazing… to me at any rate. Turn up the volume. Guaranteed to make me smile.

Here’s a few more mood-lifting instrumental stuff if you wish to look them up on Spotify etc

• Thorb the Robot / Rosie Shand of Grantown by Adam Sutherland

• Erin Shore by The Corrs

• North by Paul Mounsey (used in a “Visit Scotland” ad campaign)

• Colossus by The Afro Celt Sound System

• Roseland by Acoustic Alchemy

• Templemeads (live in London version) by Acoustic Alchemy

• A Kinder Loving (live in London version) by Acoustic Version

• Marrakesh by Acoustic Alchemy

• Numbers by Treacherous Orchestra

• The Folk Police by the Peatbog Faeries

• Dun Beag by the Peatbog Faeries

• Toss the Feathers by The Corrs

ARE WE BONKERS? Or have we just missed a trick?

Trying to provide a great service that fits what clients are looking for, being competitive, and earning a living at the same time, is a juggling act that is constantly under review. Do we provide what clients want at a price they feel is worth it and can afford to pay? (is the question always in our minds). Any doubts lead me inevitably to the internet to check out what others are providing and how much they charge. So it kind of blows my mind whenever I do this and see that we are actually charging way less than almost everyone else! It is common for similar practitioners to only book a minimum of two hours at £100 per hour. So a minimum of £200, compared to £80 for one hour or £110 for 90 mins with us. But they’re at the cheap end of the scale. One lady in the north west charges £330 as a starting price for two hours, or £680 for couples! Jeepers, we offer couples tantric massage at £160 for ninety minutes!

The conundrum is that if we charge too little, clients may be suspicious and assume we’re not particularly good. But if we charge too much, clients might look elsewhere.

Our ethos, or outlook, is this. We want to attract great clients who want to give us a try and come back for more. We are interested in making services like ours as accessible to as many people as possible, whilst at the same time recognizing that not everyone can afford it. It’s never been our agenda or intention to make “tantric massage” a middle-class luxury that only rich folks can afford; unobtainable to the masses who might really appreciate what we do. But we also need to pay our bills like everyone else.

So are we blowing our own trumpet? Absolutely! You bet we are! We are more convinced than ever that you’ll struggle to find better, like-for-service, anywhere in the UK at the prices we offer.

Our last price review was in October 2023, so when we review in October of this year (take note) prices will have remained the same for two years.

 I also wish to paraphrase something one of clients told us several years ago,

“I’ve been to some of these other providers. They spend a lot of time talking, breathing, eye-gazing, swaying, trying to appear all mystical, and talking in abstract ways that didn’t really resonate or mean much to me. Forty minutes have passed before any massage even starts to take place. You take off your clothes, but they leave theirs on. It wasn’t what I was looking for. There was a lot of ritual that had little to do with my needs. You drive home thinking you’re two hundred quid lighter and wondering what the hell was half of that about?

I prefer your no-nonsense, all-massage approach any day.”

NEW, YOUNG CLIENTS and an Offer.

The cost for young adults of getting their own place or starting a family is crazy these days. When we were young, housing was more affordable and lenders were falling over themselves to offer you a mortgage. Not the case these days.

So maybe it’s not surprising that the majority of our clients are those with established careers, financial security, or retired. There are also other possible reasons why younger adults might not book in; judgement from peers, body-conscious issues, child rearing etc.

Relationship therapist, Esther Perel, warns that those who neglect carving out an erotic space in long-term relationships risk serious trouble further down the line. The obligations and stresses of parenthood and working life can stifle, suffocate and diminish the erotic, unless conscious action is maintained to make time for this.

We would like to make an introductory offer to new clients under the age of 40. We’re not going to ask for your birth certificate to check your age. We’ll rely on your honesty. The offer will last until the end of June. Instead of £80 for your first tantric massage, we’ll only ask you for £65. We occasionally make offers, but in fourteen years we have never made a young adult’s introductory offer before, so this is a first.

This is aimed at under 40’s * :

·         Booking for the first time.

·         Who might deny themselves this sort of experience on the grounds of financial cost.

·         Who feel bogged down or loss of libido by the obligations of raising a family or working long hours to make ends meet.

·         Couples who have slipped into mundane or routine patterns and wish to spice things up.

·         Young adults who have questions or need help with their confidence, body image, sexuality or sexual knowledge/experience.

(* In theory we’ll see anyone of adult age (18 or over). In practice, we’ve never knowingly had anyone younger than 25 or older than 80 for tantric massage.)

AVAILABILITY… Looking ahead.

Here are some dates you may want to bear in mind or refer to when scheduling your appointments in the near future.

Val is not available from 2pm on Friday 27th June to 1pm on Monday 30th June, but Brian MAY be available on the evening of Saturday 28th June and the morning of Sunday 29th June.

From 4th August to 24th August we will be taking lots of days off. However, we are not going away and will still be available for occasional bookings. The days we are taking off are not certain yet and will be decided nearer the time, based largely on the weather forecast. We recommend you book well in advance if you wish to visit us during this time, before we schedule outings or make plans that involve commitments to others.

Look out on the Updates page of our website nearer the time for updated information regarding availability.

WEBSITE CHANGES

As well as having different sub-pages for different massage services, we are also about to add (any day now) two pages describing what Val does and what Brian does. This is an attempt to reduce the number of enquiries for Swedish naturist massage off Val, which she doesn’t actually do anymore, whilst at the same letting clients know that Brian still provides Swedish massage for those who want it. (NB Val still does tantric massage).

DIFFERENT CLIENTS, DIFFERENT APPROACHES – including the pistachio moment

There’s a wonderful scene in a Laurel and Hardy film where they go into a shop and ask for some Raspberry ice-cream. “We don’t have any” the shop keeper replies. They then go one-by-one through a long list of flavours, including pistachio, to which the shop keeper repeatedly answers “We don’t have any”. Finally, Stan asks “Well what flavours have you got?”. The keeper replies “None. We don’t sell ice-cream. The ice-cream parlour is next door.”

Sometimes we get requests for things we don’t do. Either because we’re not qualified, not equipped, not knowledgeable enough, or simply not interested; it’s not our “thing”. We nick-name these requests a “pistachio moment”. Clients who want those things are probably better visiting other providers who facilitate those things. However, there are some occasions when we will pause… think for a moment… and then agree to give something a try. This has happened several times this year. We can’t be all things to all people, but we may be able to be some things to some people. The answer may not always be yes, but we won’t judge you for asking. There are times when we have been willing to explore certain options and experiences with clients, and I (ie Brian) might just go on a course or two later this year for things like BDSM and Shibari (for female clients interested in this).

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WARM WEATHER. Now the summer days are here, we can bring forward our earliest appointment time to 10am. On days when it is predicted to get above 24 degrees c in the afternoon, please be aware that it can get quite hot in the cabin between 1pm and 6pm. We will still take bookings for these times, but you need to be aware.

NEW FACEBOOK PAGE. We have set up and are trialling a facebook page for Timeout Therapies. We'll take it a week at a time and see how things go. I won't be endlessly posting, just now and again when there's something to say. We had a facebook page many years ago, but I'm not sure we managed it in the best way. There was also the issue of facebook's algorithms which decide whether or not people who follow or "like" our page actually get to see our posts! We discovered, last time, that unless followers regularly clicked "like" on our posts then facebook's automation quickly decided it wasn't worth showing our posts to them. So we'll suck it and see... It's a "personal" page, even though it's titled Timeout Therapies. So it connects on friend requests. Message me if you have any trouble. Here's the link..... Facebook